Funny Bits (hopefully)

• Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.
• Families are like fudge ... mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
• Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.
• If you upset your wife, she nags you. But if you upset her even more, you get the silent treatment.
• The man's wife made him join a bridge club. He jumps off next Tuesday.
• "Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror, I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me?" "I don't know, but your eyesight is perfect!"

And then there was the elderly Floridian who called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car had been broken into. She was hysterical as she explained her situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, and even the accelerator!" she cried. The dispatcher urged her to remain calm, that an officer was on the way.

A few minutes later, the officer radioed in. "Disregard," he said. "She got in the back seat by mistake."

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