Words of Wisdom

Before you speak, Listen.
Before you write, Think.
Before you pray, Forgive.
Before you quit, Try.


Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
Watch your words, for they become actions.
Watch your actions, for they become habits.
Watch your habits, for they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.

Snickers (Not the Candy Bar)

Heathcliffe told his buddies, "Gertrude was really upset when I didn't give her a birthday present this year. But then, she hasn't used what I gave her last year."
"What did you give her last year?" they asked.
Heathcliffe answered, "A cemetery plot."
.
.
While a little guy was sitting at a restaurant counter and staring at his coke, a big guy walked over, picked up the coke and drank every drop.
As the little guy began to cry, the big guy apologized and said, "Don't cry. I'll buy you another."
The little guy replied, "You don't understand. I've had a terrible day. When I got to work this morning my boss fired me. When I walked out to my car I found it had been stolen. I got a cab home and left my wallet in the cab. When I walked into my home my wife said she wanted a divorce. And now, as I was getting ready to kill myself, you just drank my poison!"
.
.
A man once hosted a dinner party for people from work, and everyone was encouraged to bring their children. Throughout the sit-down dinner, one co-worker's 4-yr.-old daughter stared at him unceasingly. In fact, she was staring at him so hard she could hardly eat her food.
The man checked his tie, felt his face for food, patted his hair in place and a myriad assortment of other things, but nothing stopped her from staring. He tried his best to just ignore her, but finally it was too much for him.
"Why are you staring at me?" he finally asked the girl.
Everyone had noticed her behavior, and the table went quiet to hear her response.
The little girl replied, "I just want to see how you drink like a fish!"

Uncommon Common Sense

When I stand before the Lord, I'd rather explain why I failed to accomplish His will, rather than why I didn't try. -- Stephen Seaford

A clear conscience may be nothing more than the sign of a bad memory. -- Unknown

Never approach a bull from the front, a horse from the rear, or a fool from any direction. -- Unknown

Faith can move mountains, but don't be surprised if God hands you a shovel!

The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one. -- Erma Bombeck

Worrying is like a rocking chair. It may give you something to do, but it gets you absolutely nowhere.

Thanks to YOU, Marion (and Marion UMC)

You may have seen this info in other places, but I want to include here a brief recap of how things went with our IMPACT '10 Event. A number of volunteers invited people to donate cleaning supplies and personal care items as they stood outside Pamida, Food Giant, Conrads, and the Family Dollar store on Sept. 11 and 18. Thanks to the volunteers and to the stores for working with us to allow the volunteers to be there. On Sept. 25, the day of the event, there were 67 registered volunteers (and evidence of others who worked but did not get a registration form.) Our project included giving away cleaning supplies and personal care items, getting into homes to make minor repairs, and cleaning up downtown streets. Volunteers from First Cumberland Presbyterian helped us there.
With the cleaning supplies/personal care items, we were able to share with 60-65 people/families. At least two shopping runs had to be made to replenish our supplies.
With the home repairs, lives in at least 12 homes were touched. A client from our food pantry also signed up and worked a long, hard day at cleaning and repairing at a local business.
And with the street clean up, a lot of ground was un-covered of trash. Along with some members from the church, at least 18 boy scouts and leaders helped us, as did 11 students and leaders from the highschool FBLA club. The full downtown length of Main St., and a block either side of Main St., were cleaned. The team also picked up at Veteran's Park, Greenwood Heights, and the roads around the City Park.
Different needs + different volunteers + different skills + plus the willingness to serve = A great day of IMPACT for our Community.

Top 10 Predictions for the Remainder of 2010

1. The Bible will still have all the answers.

2. Prayer will still be the most powerful thing on Earth..

3. The Holy Spirit will still move.

4. God will still honor the praises of His people.

5. There will still be God-anointed preaching.

6. There will still be singing of praise to God.

7. God will still pour out blessings upon His people.

8. There will still be room at the Cross.

9. Jesus will still love you.

10...Jesus will still save the lost when they come to Him.

.

Remember WHO Is Really In Control,

and, "the Word of the Lord endures forever."

( 1 Peter 1:25 )

-- Courtesy Brenda H. Glover,

Madisonville District Director of Discipleship and Leadership Development

Pastoral Visits

A Lutheran minister, wearing his clerical collar, visited his wife in the hospital. After a few moments of talking and prayer, he leaned over and gave her a big kiss, then said as he left the room, "You're the greatest!"

Later, the wife's roommate commented, "Your pastor is a lot friendlier than mine!"

________________

And then there was the ailing elderly woman who, in spite of the pleadings of her children, refused to see a doctor. She didn't get any better, so they finally decided to call in a doctor anyway. When he arrived, they showed him into their mother's bedroom, where he proceeded to give her a thorough examination. Finally, he finished and went back where the family was anxiously waiting.

"How is she, doctor?" they anxiously inquired.

"Oh, just give her one of these each day and she should be right as rain in a week," and he handed them a bottle of pills.

After he left, they went in and circled Mama's bed. "What did you think of the new doctor, Mama?"

"Oh, that explains it. I thought he was awfully familiar for the preacher!"

Wha'?

Jasper came home and said to Julia, "I've just found a great job! It requires only twenty hours a week, no overtime, or weekends, and it pays $500."
Julia agreed. "It sounds wonderful!"
Jasper agreed. "I thought so, too. You start Monday."

Pride Goeth Before A....

A former high school jock was with his wife of ten years while eating breakfast. Glancing at the paper, he noticed that a beautiful actress was about to marry a football player known for his lack of intelligence and outlandish behavior.
The former jock said to his wife, "I don't understand why the biggest jerks get the most beautiful wives."
Her instant reply was, "Why, thank you, dear!"

Please Obey the Speed Limit

This is a bit long, but hoped you might enjoy it:
A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding, and the following exchange ensued.
Officer: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my fifth DUI.
Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?
Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.
Officer: The car is stolen?
Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?
Driver: Yes, sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.
Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?
Driver: Yes, Sir.

Upon hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation.

Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
Driver: Sure. Here it is. (It was valid.)
Captain: Whose car is this?
Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the owner's card. (The driver owned the car.)
Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun it it?
Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it. (Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.)
Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it.
Driver: No problem. (Trunk is opened; no body.)
Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glove box and had a dead body in the trunk.
Driver: Yeah, I'll bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.

Which Values?

From Homiletics magazine:
At election time, we Christians are often encouraged to "vote our values." Yet the real question is: What are the values we're supposed to vote?
The truth is, many people who use that phrase have a rather limited range of values in mind. What they're talking about, to be perfectly frank, is sex. What's often conspicuously absent from their so-called moral discussion is any mention of that other great moral topic: money.
In the Bible, money issues are just as much a part of morality as are questions of sexual ethics. This is crystal clear in Colossians 3:5 -- "Put to death, therefore, whatever in you is earthly: fornication, impurity, passion, evil desire, and greed (which is idolatry)."
Too often we are willing to uphold "biblical morality," citing the first part of the verse, but not so willing to consider the second. There you have it, in black and white; it couldn't be more clear. The Bible considers greed to be just as serious a moral failing as licentious behavior.
__________________________

What's the deal with such selective blindness? Is it that if we focus on the sins WE'RE not doing, then we draw attention away from the ones we are? But, IS THAT HONEST?

Oh, Lord, give me an honest heart ... one that can see (and take care of) MY sins. Only then may I pray for and lovingly counsel those who may be involved in some other form of self-destruction. Amen.

Funeral Preparations

The elderly gentleman lay dying in his bed, when suddenly all thoughts of his passing were pushed aside by the wonderful aroma of his favorite home-made chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs. With his last remaining strength, he struggled out of bed, and leaning against the wall, slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with intense concentration, got down the stairs by gripping the rail with both hands. With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing wide-eyed into the kitchen.
On the table were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies! Was this heaven? Or was it one final act of devotion from his wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man? Mustering one final effort, he threw himself toward the table, landing on his knees in a rumpled posture, one hand on the edge of the table. His aged and withered hand quiveringly made its way to a cookie near the edge of the table; feeling the warm, soft dough actually made the pain of his bones subside for a moment. His parched lips parted; the wondrous taste of the cookie was already in his mouth, seemingly bringing him back to life.
What, then, was this sudden stinging that caused his hand to recoil? The man looked to see his wife, still holding the spatula she had just used to smack his hand. "Stay out of those!" she said. "They're for the funeral!"

Final Tally on VBS Offering for Corona de Vida

The Galactic Blast Cadets at VBS worked feverishly to get their "rockets" to Space Station Corona de Vida with their offerings. Each night, each class's offering pushed their rocket a little further toward the goal, and by Sunday night's closing celebration, with help from the adults, they reached $425.25 to send for children's ministries at our district's Mission Congregation -- Corona de Vida.

This is FANTASTIC! However, Corona de Vida is worthy of your prayers, always (and your offerings, as the Lord leads.) Thank you for ALL your support!

When to Worry

You're allowed to worry ... but only if one of these seven things is true:

1. Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
2. You turn on the news and they're showing emergency routes out of the city.
3. Your twin sister forgot your birthday.
4. Your car horn goes off accidentally and stays stuck as you follow a group of Hell's Angels on the freeway.
5. The bird singing outside your window is a buzzard.
6. Your income tax refund check bounces.
7. Your wife says, "Good Morning, Bill" ... and your name is George.

Other than these, you don't have anything to worry about.

-- Author Unknown

A Little Humor

I got food poisoning yesterday. I don't know when I'll use it.

-- Comedian Stephen Wright

.

They've invented a new car that runs on water. The only catch is, the water has to come from the Gulf.

-- Jay Leno

.

Today is Bring Your Dog to Work Day.

In China, it's known as Bring Your Lunch to Work Day.

-- Unknown

.

I don't have pet peeves. I have KENNELS of IRRITATION.

-- Unknown

..

And this one (true story) from Matthew and Amy Hardin:

They were in Paducah the other day, and had Lucas in the Mall. As they walked down the halls, every time a bald man walked by, Lucas would say, "Hello, Brother Wayne!"

.

I just think I'm like the Skin Horse in The Velveteen Rabbit. I've just had all the fur loved off! And that makes me real!

Vacation Bible School Galactic Blast has come and gone, and wouldn't you know it? A big, green gorilla stole the show. Yes, the kids loved the antics and sassy talk of Galileo (who turned green after swimming through all the green food in the cafeteria when he turned off the artificial gravity.) Galileo helped us learn a lot about being "green," that is, taking care of the earth, and decided that being green is pretty cool -- so he's staying that way.

Shawna Thomas and Christie Hughes directed the school, but there were a host of volunteers who helped make this special week possible. My heartfelt thanks to ALL of you.

If you missed the closing celebration on July 11, we're here to tell you -- our kids have LUNGS!!! But they were using those lungs to shout "Praise God!" so it was OK. Check out the pics below!

2010 VBS Galactic Blast Pictures

Here are just a few of our Cadets!

Actually, Dottie wasn't a Cadet, she was our Mess Captain

(she ran the Astro Bistro, with lots of fun snacks!)

More VBS -- Galactic Blast

2010 Galactic Blast Directors

R: Shawna Thomas, Director of Children and Student Ministries

L: Christie Hughes, co-director and Galileo's voice

.

.

Behind every Green Gorilla stands (or lies) a Great Woman!

.

.

Ah! Dining in the Astro Bistro!

.
.

Even GALACTIC PRAISE Cadets need shore leave!

.
.

Bible Story scenes: Cave at Mt. Horeb, Jericho

.

.

Neat Experiments take place on the starship Galactic Praise with scientists Jody and Adria Porter
.

.

Crafts in Space! Sounds like a great new reality TV show!

.
.

All right, Crew! 30 demerits for being out of uniform!

.
.

Rocket Snacks from Crewman Dottie and Crewman Carolyn

Now entering ...

... the dark, but glowing, depths of Outer Space!

Follow-Up to STRENGTH FOR SERVICE

Our congregation's offering to STRENGTH FOR SERVICE to provide devotion books to soldiers came to $210. That will produce and ship 42 books to soldiers, whose lives will definitely be touched by your gifts. Thank you so much for this offering. I'm so pleased we could do this. (Updated 7-15-2010.)

STRENGTH for SERVICE Sunday

.....With July 4 coming on Sunday this year, we feel it is a great opportunity to have a STRENGTH FOR SERVICE Sunday. Strength for what kind of service, and where? Our Armed Forces.

.....STRENGTH FOR SERVICE is a devotional book designed especially for those in the Service, and for those who love them. It began back in the World War II era, first published in 1942. But Evan Hunsberger, a Boy Scout, found the copy his grandfather had carried with him through World War II. He decided to republish the volume in honor of his grandfather as his Eagle Scout project. With slight updates to the text, and with additonal material from today's religious leaders, the book has been republished after three years of hard work. This book has brought comfort and encouragement to many soldiers and their loved ones, and now we can have a part in spreading it around.

.....CW2 Billy Myers says, "I use the STRENGTH FOR SERVICE devotional book every day. Sometimes I get behind, but I catch up. I had been looking for a copy of the book for almost six months, and I finally found two copies while I was passing through Ali A Saleem on the way back to Iraq from leave. I sent one to my mother-in-law, and kept one for myself. She had been looking for a devotional that she and I could both use from opposite sides of the globe. Since then, my wife has expressed interest in taking up daily devotions as well."

.....Captain Daniel Knaup of Whitehall, Ohio says, "I really appreciate these wonderful books. My soldiers cannot get enough of them -- every deployment briefing that I give, I get an overwhelming request from soldiers for these.

.

....C.A.R.E. packages from home are great, but when the last cookie crumbs and chewing gum are gone, STRENGTH FOR SERVICE will still be there as an encouragement for our soldiers. $5.00 will print and ship one book.

.

.....Wouldn't you like to be a part of lifting up our soldiers? Come prepared on July 4 to present an offering for this project! The General Commission on United Methodist Men is in strong support of this ministry (the volume is published by the United Methodist Publishing House.) Don't you think this is a great way to make a difference in some soldier's life? Where else can you get that kind of return on a $5 investment?

Threat is over for three months

Little Billy went up to his teacher and said, "I don't want to scare you, but my dad said if I didn't get better grades, someone is going to get a spanking!"

Tragedy

A mother told her two blond daughters that at her death she wanted to be buried at sea. They drowned trying to dig the grave.

[I'm sorry for passing that one on -- I just washed my fingers and can't do a thing with them!]

Could it just be?

Perhaps you heard Jay Leno's comment -- worth considering and passing along:

With hurricanes, tornadoes, fires out of control, mudslides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of swine flu and terrorist attacks, are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

On Being Green

After the crinkly, noisy sermon of 5-23-2010 (the new Sun Chip bags are extremely noisy), I thought I might as well offer some other observations on conservation and planetary health.

An energy-conservation fanatic is on his deathbed surrounded by his family. He asks, "Is my wife here?" She replies, "Yes, I'm here, Dear." He asks, "Are my children here?" They reply, "Yes, we're here, Father." He asks, "Are my grandchildren and neighbors here?" They all say, "Yes, we're here!" Then he lifts himself out of bed and points out the door. "Well, if everyone's here, why are the lights and television on in the living room?"

An energy-savvy consumer replaced all the windows in her house. She had expensive, double-insulated, energy-efficient windows installed. Twelve months later, she received a call from the contractor, who complained that the work had been done for a year, but she had failed to pay for it. She quickly replied, "The salesman who sold me those told me that in one year they would pay for themselves!"

The Church Has Left The Building

Radio host John Young recently posted this on crosswalk.com:

I saw a group of people eagerly passing out snacks and hot cocoa on an Atlanta street. The group was dressed in a uniform of sorts that read "The Church Has Left The Building."

Surprisingly, the church name wasn't on the shirt. No plug. No quotas being met. No guilt being given in the form of "We fed you, now come visit us." That a church would simply want to serve -- without any apparent effort to self-promote -- is rare, indeed, in our culture today.

Let the church hear this as a prophetic word!!

Say What?

While I have no way of verifying these comments, they are supposed to be transcripts of things people actually said in a court of law. At any rate, they're good for a chuckle.

Q: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?

Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?

Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true?

Q: How many times have you committed suicide?


Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?


Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, do they go up also?


Q: You went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
A: I went to Europe, sir.
Q: And you took your new wife?


Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?


Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 pm.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting up on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.


It is always wise procedure to make sure the brain is functioning properly before engaging the mouth!

Perseverance

You win some, you lose some, and some get rained out. But you gotta suit up for them all.

-- J. Askenberg

Unconditional Love

Listen to Henri J. M. Nouwen, in his book, Bread for the Journey:

We often confuse unconditional love with unconditional approval. God loves us without conditions but does not approve of every human behavior. God doesn't approve of betrayal, violence, hatred, suspicion and all other expressions of evil, because they all contradict the love God wants to instill in the human heart. Evil is the absence of God's love. Evil does not belong to God.
God's unconditional love means that God continues to love us even when we say or think evil things. God continues to wait for us as a loving parent waits for the return of a lost child. It is important for us to hold on to the truth that God never gives up loving us even when God is saddened by what we do. That truth will help us to return to God's ever-present love.

True Value

God's love doesn't seek value; it creates value. It is not because we have value that we are loved but because we are loved that we have value.

-- William Sloane Coffin

Follow the Leader

S.I. McMillen, in his book None of These Diseases, tells a story of a young woman who wanted to go to college, but her heart sank when she read the question on the application form that asked, "Are you a leader?" Being both honest and conscientious, she wrote, "No," and returned the application, expecting the worst. To her surprise, the young woman received this letter from the college:
Dear Applicant: A study of the application forms reveals that this year our college will have 1, 452 new leaders. We are accepting you because we feel it is imperative that they have at least one follower."

A Glimpse at Golf

John, an avid golfer, came in from the course one Saturday. His wife, Mary, asked him with whom he had played that day. He said, "Oh, no one in particular."
She asked, "Why don't you play with Bill anymore?"
John replied, " Would you like to play golf with someone who throws his clubs, swears all the time, lies about his scores, moves his ball in the rough, and won't stop talking while you're trying to play a shot?"
"Of course not!" exclaimed Mary.
John said, "Well, neither does Bill."

Too Simple

An arrogant astronomer approached a minister at a party. "Pastor," the astronomer smugly asked, "Wouldn't you agree that all of Christian theology could be summed up in this simple song, "Jesus loves me, th is I know, for the Bible tells me so"?
"Yes," the pastor replied, "if you would agree that all of astronomy can be summed up in this song, "Twinkle, twinkle, little star, how I wonder what you are!"

As simple as it is to move into a relationship with God ("Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and you shall be saved") there are unfathomed depths of God's grace, mercy, love and forgiveness waiting for us to begin our exploration ... depths of many magnitude greater than the farthest reaches of the universe. Praise be to God Almighty!

Perfect Safety

In the forest fire, there is always one place where the fire cannot reach. It is the place where the fire has already burned itself out. Calvary is the place where the fire of God's judgment against sin burned itself out completely. It is there that we are safe.
...........................-- Corrie ten Boom

Huh?

A fellow always stopped at the pretzel stand outside his workplace, place $2 on the counter, but didn't take a pretzel. One day, the stand operator said, "I've got something I'd like to say to you."
"Oh, I know," the fellow says, "You want to know why I put down $2 every day and don't take a pretzel, don't you?"
"No," said the vendor, "I just wanted to tell you they've gone up to $2.50."

Now, can anyone tell me why once we've experienced a blessing for awhile, we begin to assume it's ours by right, and we get upset if it stops. We may never have asked for it. We didn't earn it. But we just ASSUME it will keep on and on. Somewhere it changes from a gift for which we're thankful, and turns into an obligation which we expect to be fulfilled.

How marvelous is God's patience with us, even when we're ungrateful!

How to Travel

A man at the airline counter tells the rep, "I'd like this bag to go to Berlin, this one to California, and this one to London."
The rep says, "I'm sorry, sir. We can't do that."
The man replied, "Nonsense. That's what you did the last time I flew with you."

Thoughts on Temptation

I remember a recurring sketch on some old kid's show called "How NOT to do things." Here are some thoughts on temptation that would have fit there:
.

• I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it. -- Mae West
• The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it. -- Oscar Wilde
• I couldn't help it. I can resist everything except temptation. -- Oscar Wilde
• The trouble with resisting temptation is it may never come your way again. -- Korman's Law
• Ever notice that the whisper of temtation can be heard farther than the loudest call to duty? -- Earl Wilson
• Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you. -- Winston Churchill

And a note about how we rationalize our sins, turning vice into "virtue":
.

• I'm not committing adultery; I'm just finding the love I need.
• I'm not living a greedy lifestyle of overconsumption; I'm just pursuing the American Dream.
• I'm not acting unecthically when I cheat my customers; I'm just following the laws of the marketplace.
• I'm not abusing my child' I'm just enforcing a little discipline.

Temptation we can resist. But if we mix it with rationalization, we're headed for trouble. That's a very dangerous combination, and NEVER leads to anything good.

Anyway

The following poem, by Kent M. Keith, was found on the wall of Mother Teresa's children's home in Calcutta, India.

Anyway

People are often unreasonable,

illogical and self-centered;

Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you

of selfish, ulterior motives;

Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some

false friends and some true enemies;

Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank,

people may cheat you;

Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building,

someone could destroy overnight;

Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness,

they may be jealous;

Be happy anyway.

The good you do today,

people will often forget tomorrow;

Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have,

and it may never be enough;

Give the world the best you've got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis,

it is between you and your God;

It was never between you and them anyway.

A Little Murder

Kids are GREAT ... for ALL kinds of reasons. One mom reports:

One Sunday evening while my husband was away, I was sitting in church with my two boys, ages 2 and 4. I didn't expect that they would listen to very much; I was just content that they were quiet. When the Scripture in Matthew 5:22 "anyone who hates his brother will be guilty of murder" was read, I heard the small worried voice of my 4-year-old say, "Uh-oh."

-- Linda Eberly

A Kid's Take on Love

What kids think it means to truly love someone:

• Love is that first feeling you feel before all the bad stuff gets in the way.
• When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis, too. That's love.
• Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.
• Love is when someone hurts you. And you get so mad, but you don't yell at him because you know it would hurt his feelings.
• Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is okay.
• If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate.
• There are two kinds of love. Our love. God's love. But God makes both kinds of them.
• Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they've known each other so well.

Again, I'd like to add one of my own: Love is getting to be the pastor of a congregation like Marion United Methodist Church!!!!! WG

Reasons to Praise

One writer gives us not just food, but an entire meal, for thought:

I am thankful:

• For the wife who says it's hot dogs tonight because she's home with me and not out with someone else.
• For the husband who is on the sofa being a couch potato because he's home with me and not out at the bars.
• For the teenager who's complaining about doing dishes because it means she's at home, not on the streets.
• For the taxes I pay because it means I'm employed.
• For the mess to clean up after a party because it means I have been surrounded by friends.
• For the clothes that fit a little too snugly because it means I have enough to eat.
• For my shadow that watches me work because it means I'm out in the sunshine.
• For a lawn that needs mowing, windows that need cleaning and gutters that need fixing because it means I have a home.
• For all the complaining I hear about the government because it means we have freedom of speech.
• For the parking spot I find at the far end of the parking lot because it means I'm capable of walking and I have been blessed with transportation.
• For my huge heating bill because it means I am warm.
• For the woman behind me in church who sings off key because it means I can hear.
• For the pile of laundry and ironing because it means I have clothes to wear.
• For weariness and aching muscles at the end of the day because it means I have been capable of working hard.
• For the alarm that goes off in the early-morning hours because it means I'm alive.
• For the crazy people I work with because they make work interesting and fun.
• And finally, for too much e-mail because I have friends who are thinking of me.

And if I could add one to the list: I'm thankful even when we here at church move through a time of grief together, because it means we can feel, and love, and care, and support, and know God's presence when the pain seems unbearable. WG

Gratitude?

I liked this story, and it just might give you an idea if you never hear back from gift recipients.

One Christmas, Mom decreed that she was no longer going to remind her children of their thank-you note duties. As a result, their grandmother, never received acknowledgments of the generous checks she had given.
The next year things were different, however.
"The children came over in person to thank me," the grandmother told a friend triumphantly.
"How wonderful!" the friend exclaimed. "What do you think caused the change in behavior?"
"Oh, that's easy," the grandmother replied. "This year I didn't sign the checks."

A Man of Few Words

Says Stephen Fried: They say Eskimos have a hundred words for snow. But that's nothing. Husbands have one word that can mean at least a hundred things.
That word is uh-huh.
It's a simple five-letter word that has led to more marital four-letter words than any other. Wives know that if their husbands could, they probably would respond "uh-huh" to every sentence spoken to them. And because "uh-huh" can basically be defined as any variant of "yes," "maybe," or "are you talking to me?" wives never know what we really mean.
I'm thinking this could be why the law always insisted that, at weddings, we come right out and clearly say, "I do."


Fellows, does your style of communicating give the lie to Mr. Fried's observation? I hope so! WG

The Joys of Committee Work

Oh, give me a pity, I'm on a committee,
Which means that from morning to night,
We attend and amend and contend and defend
Without a conclusion in sight.

We confer and concur, we defer and demur
And reiterate all of our thoughts.
We revise the agenda with frequent addenda
And consider a load of reports.

We compose and propose, we suppose and oppose
And the points of procedure are fun!
But though various notions are brought up as motions
There's terribly little gets done.

We resolve and absolve, but never dissolve
Since it's out of the question for us.
What a shattering pity to end our committee,
Where else could we make such a fuss?
...............................................-- Phong Ngo

A committee defined: A group of the unwilling, picked from the unfit, to do the unnecessary. But it all sounds great in a campaign speech.

-- Richard Long Harkness

.

To get something done, a committee should consist of three men, two of whom are absent.

-- Robert Copeland

.

A committee can make a decision that is dumber than any of its members.

-- David Coblit

.

A committee is the perfect weapon to kill time.

Thoughts on CHURCH

The problem is not that the churches are filled with empty pews but that the pews are filled with empty people.

-- Charlie Shedd

.

The church is the great lost-and-found department.

-- Robert Short

.

Let your religion be less of a theory and more of a love affair.

-- G. K. Chesterton

.

And here's another word from Chesterton: The Christian ideal has not been tried and found wanting; it has been found difficult and left untried.

Hung Up on Prestige

A Coast Guard cutter tuned in to a faint distress signal from a sinking pleasure craft. "What is your position? Repeat, what is your position?" shouted the radio operator into the microphone.
Finally, a faint reply crackled over the static, "I'm executive vice president of First Global Bank. Please hurry!"

Good for a Chuckle

In a restroom at IBM's Watson Center, a supervisor had placed a sign directly above the sink. It had a single word on it -- THINK! The next day, when he went to the restroom, he noticed that right below his sign, next to the soap dispenser, someone had carefully lettered another sign that read THOAP!

You just never know how literal-minded folks will be when you try to communicate something!

Little Ears

Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said!