Run for the Roses

On their 50th wedding anniversary, a couple summed up the reason for their long and happy marriage. Said the husband, "I have tried never to be selfish. After all, there's no 'I' in the word marriage." Chimed in the wife, "For my part, I have never corrected my husband's spelling."


And then, there was John, the crotchety old fellow who always took breakfast with his wife. He would read the morning paper while she fumed at his neglect, and today of all days because it was their 25th wedding anniversary.

"John! John! Put down that paper and let's talk about how we are going to celebrate our wedding anniversary today. What do you suggest?"

John put down the newspaper, removed and polished his glasses, stared for a moment or two into the distance, and said, "How about two minutes of silence?"

Pithy Observations

• The trouble with being punctual is that nobody is there to appreciate it.
• To prevent sagging skin, eat till the wrinkles fill out.
• Laughing stock is really just a cow with a sense of humor.
• You can't have everything ... where would you put it?
• If the shoe fits ... get another one just like it.
• If it ain't broke ... you don't live in a house with kids!

And I hope you parents of college freshmen don't have the experience of the family whose son came home at Thanksgiving with a semester's worth of dirty laundry. Soon after stepping into the laundry room, he shouted to his mom, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"

She called out, "It depends. What does it say on your shirt?"

"Tennessee!"

The Difference Between Peter and Judas

Perhaps you'll enjoy Eugene Peterson's view of a surprise twist in the Scriptures. He says:
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..Among the apostles, the one absolutely stunning success was Judas, and the one thoroughly groveling failure was Peter. Judas was a success in the ways that most impress us: He was successful both financially and politically. ... And Peter was a failure in ways the we most dread: He was impotent in a crisis and socially inept. At the arrest of Jesus, he collapsed, a hapless, blustering coward; in the most critical situations of life with Jesus, the confession on the road to Caesarea Philippi and the vision on the Mount of Transfiguration, he said the most embarrassingly inappropriate things. ...

..Time, of course, has reversed our judgments on the two men. Judas is now a byword for betrayal, and Peter is one of the most honored names in the church and in the world. Judas is a villain; Peter is a saint. Yet the world continues to chase after the successes of Judas, financial wealth and political power, and to defend itself against the failures of Peter, impotence and ineptness.

Knowing When and How to Speak

Tact is the art of making a point without making an enemy.

-- Howard W. Newton

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She had lost the art of conversation, but not, unfortunately, the power of speech.

-- George Bernard Shaw

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There are three times when you should never say anything important to a person: when he is tired, when he is angry, and when he has just made a mistake!

-- Anonymous

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Wise people think all they say; fools say all they think.

-- Anonymous

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A gossip is someone who can give you all the details without knowing any of the facts.
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And an oldie that "bears repeating" ...
A wise schoolteacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school: "If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I'll promise not to believe everything he or she says happens at home."

-- Anonymous

Ouch! Punctured Preacherly Pride

A pastor was greeting folks at the door after the service when a woman enthusiastically shook his hand and said, "Pastor, that was a great sermon!" Flushed with pride but wanting to appear humble, the pastor said, "Oh, it wasn't me. I have to give the credit to the Lord." The woman replied, "It wasn't THAT good!"

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A bishop once walked in for lunch, and as he and his wife sat down, he asked, "Do you know how many great preachers there are in the world?" Her instant reply was, "One less than you think!"

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And (true story), a former District Superintendent told of how his wife liked to experiment with new recipes. One Sunday, she was eager to learn how he liked the recipe she had tried. He simply said, "Where is it?" When she brought it to him, he looked it over for a second, then tore it into bits.

A few weeks later, they were driving home from morning worship, and he asked her what she thought of his sermon that day. Her simple reply was, "Where is it?"

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I guess the Lord has a LOT of helpers in keeping us humble!

On CHARACTER

God is far more interested in your character than he is your comfort, or your career, because you're not taking your career to heaven, but you are taking your character.

-- Rick Warren

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Character is what God and the angels know of us; reputation is what men and women think of us.

-- Horace Mann

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The world is to be cleaned by somebody, and you are not called of God if you are ashamed to scrub.

-- Henry Ward Beecher

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Never ... think we have a due knowledge of ourselves till we have been exposed to various kinds of temptations, and tried on every side. Integrity on one side of our character is no voucher for integrity on another. We cannot tell how we should act if brought under temptations different from those we have hitherto experienced. This thought should keep us humble. We are sinners, but we do not know how great. He alone knows who died for our sins.

-- John Henry Newman

A Time to Grow in Knowledge and Vital Piety

by: Bishop Michael J. Coyner - Indiana

John Wesley declared that we in the Methodist revival tradition “bring together those two so long divided: knowledge and vital piety.” By that phrase, he meant that faith always yearns for increased learning and that education should illuminate our acts of worship and piety. Some people say our United Methodist Church is a “thinking church” - not to imply that other denominations do not think, but to emphasize that we in the tradition of John Wesley affirm the essential need for education. Nearly every United Methodist Church has a Sunday School or other forms of educational classes for children, youth and adults. Why? Because we affirm that a faithful person is also a thinking, learning, and growing person. Faith is not limited to a set of doctrines or assents to which one concurs but never challenges or debates. Faith includes education such as Bible study, small-group sharing, discussion, and growth. Wesley believed that the living core of the Christian faith was revealed in the scripture, illumined by tradition, verified in personal experience, and confirmed by reason.