Top 10 Predictions for the Remainder of 2010

1. The Bible will still have all the answers.

2. Prayer will still be the most powerful thing on Earth..

3. The Holy Spirit will still move.

4. God will still honor the praises of His people.

5. There will still be God-anointed preaching.

6. There will still be singing of praise to God.

7. God will still pour out blessings upon His people.

8. There will still be room at the Cross.

9. Jesus will still love you.

10...Jesus will still save the lost when they come to Him.

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Remember WHO Is Really In Control,

and, "the Word of the Lord endures forever."

( 1 Peter 1:25 )

-- Courtesy Brenda H. Glover,

Madisonville District Director of Discipleship and Leadership Development

Pastoral Visits

A Lutheran minister, wearing his clerical collar, visited his wife in the hospital. After a few moments of talking and prayer, he leaned over and gave her a big kiss, then said as he left the room, "You're the greatest!"

Later, the wife's roommate commented, "Your pastor is a lot friendlier than mine!"

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And then there was the ailing elderly woman who, in spite of the pleadings of her children, refused to see a doctor. She didn't get any better, so they finally decided to call in a doctor anyway. When he arrived, they showed him into their mother's bedroom, where he proceeded to give her a thorough examination. Finally, he finished and went back where the family was anxiously waiting.

"How is she, doctor?" they anxiously inquired.

"Oh, just give her one of these each day and she should be right as rain in a week," and he handed them a bottle of pills.

After he left, they went in and circled Mama's bed. "What did you think of the new doctor, Mama?"

"Oh, that explains it. I thought he was awfully familiar for the preacher!"

Wha'?

Jasper came home and said to Julia, "I've just found a great job! It requires only twenty hours a week, no overtime, or weekends, and it pays $500."
Julia agreed. "It sounds wonderful!"
Jasper agreed. "I thought so, too. You start Monday."

Pride Goeth Before A....

A former high school jock was with his wife of ten years while eating breakfast. Glancing at the paper, he noticed that a beautiful actress was about to marry a football player known for his lack of intelligence and outlandish behavior.
The former jock said to his wife, "I don't understand why the biggest jerks get the most beautiful wives."
Her instant reply was, "Why, thank you, dear!"

Please Obey the Speed Limit

This is a bit long, but hoped you might enjoy it:
A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding, and the following exchange ensued.
Officer: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my fifth DUI.
Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?
Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.
Officer: The car is stolen?
Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?
Driver: Yes, sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.
Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?
Driver: Yes, Sir.

Upon hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation.

Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
Driver: Sure. Here it is. (It was valid.)
Captain: Whose car is this?
Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the owner's card. (The driver owned the car.)
Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun it it?
Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it. (Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.)
Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it.
Driver: No problem. (Trunk is opened; no body.)
Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glove box and had a dead body in the trunk.
Driver: Yeah, I'll bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.

Which Values?

From Homiletics magazine:
At election time, we Christians are often encouraged to "vote our values." Yet the real question is: What are the values we're supposed to vote?
The truth is, many people who use that phrase have a rather limited range of values in mind. What they're talking about, to be perfectly frank, is sex. What's often conspicuously absent from their so-called moral discussion is any mention of that other great moral topic: money.
In the Bible, money issues are just as much a part of morality as are questions of sexual ethics. This is crystal clear in Colossians 3:5 -- "Put to death, therefore, whatever in you is earthly: fornication, impurity, passion, evil desire, and greed (which is idolatry)."
Too often we are willing to uphold "biblical morality," citing the first part of the verse, but not so willing to consider the second. There you have it, in black and white; it couldn't be more clear. The Bible considers greed to be just as serious a moral failing as licentious behavior.
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What's the deal with such selective blindness? Is it that if we focus on the sins WE'RE not doing, then we draw attention away from the ones we are? But, IS THAT HONEST?

Oh, Lord, give me an honest heart ... one that can see (and take care of) MY sins. Only then may I pray for and lovingly counsel those who may be involved in some other form of self-destruction. Amen.

Funeral Preparations

The elderly gentleman lay dying in his bed, when suddenly all thoughts of his passing were pushed aside by the wonderful aroma of his favorite home-made chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs. With his last remaining strength, he struggled out of bed, and leaning against the wall, slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with intense concentration, got down the stairs by gripping the rail with both hands. With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing wide-eyed into the kitchen.
On the table were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies! Was this heaven? Or was it one final act of devotion from his wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man? Mustering one final effort, he threw himself toward the table, landing on his knees in a rumpled posture, one hand on the edge of the table. His aged and withered hand quiveringly made its way to a cookie near the edge of the table; feeling the warm, soft dough actually made the pain of his bones subside for a moment. His parched lips parted; the wondrous taste of the cookie was already in his mouth, seemingly bringing him back to life.
What, then, was this sudden stinging that caused his hand to recoil? The man looked to see his wife, still holding the spatula she had just used to smack his hand. "Stay out of those!" she said. "They're for the funeral!"