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I just haven't been feeling well for awhile. Though there may be other issues at hand, I've realized that much of it is a time of passing through grief.Of course, we've faced some deaths that have made us sad as a community and as a church. And then, serious illnesses among friends and church family distress us. That's all grief in a very real way. Those things grieve us because they indicate change that has come, or change that may be coming. It all has to do with relationships, and change.The deep grief I've been feeling is not as final or big as the griefs of death or grave illness. But it does have to do with relationships and changes in them. When a relationship deepens, we feel a lot of joy. But when we feel a cooling, a distancing in a relationship, that's painful. It, too, is real grief. My problem is, I feel the coolness, the distance, but I'm having a hard time coming up with the reasons for the change. And so, there is grief. Five particular relationships have seemed broken. Thankfully, one was cleared up as we tracked down the source of misunderstanding. But four still seem strained, so the heart aches.Perhaps this has happened to you as well. I don't know how you dealt/deal with it, but I'm working at reminding myself: There are only two eyes in whose gaze I long to see approval, acceptance, and friendship ... and they are not in any human's head! Only in the loving gaze of Jesus Christ will I find what I truly need and long for. I will accept friendship as temporal, ephemeral, as "good for as long as it lasts," but for the long term, I know it is in Christ Alone that I live. And in Him is joy, and not grief.
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