Threat is over for three months

Little Billy went up to his teacher and said, "I don't want to scare you, but my dad said if I didn't get better grades, someone is going to get a spanking!"

Tragedy

A mother told her two blond daughters that at her death she wanted to be buried at sea. They drowned trying to dig the grave.

[I'm sorry for passing that one on -- I just washed my fingers and can't do a thing with them!]

Could it just be?

Perhaps you heard Jay Leno's comment -- worth considering and passing along:

With hurricanes, tornadoes, fires out of control, mudslides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of swine flu and terrorist attacks, are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

On Being Green

After the crinkly, noisy sermon of 5-23-2010 (the new Sun Chip bags are extremely noisy), I thought I might as well offer some other observations on conservation and planetary health.

An energy-conservation fanatic is on his deathbed surrounded by his family. He asks, "Is my wife here?" She replies, "Yes, I'm here, Dear." He asks, "Are my children here?" They reply, "Yes, we're here, Father." He asks, "Are my grandchildren and neighbors here?" They all say, "Yes, we're here!" Then he lifts himself out of bed and points out the door. "Well, if everyone's here, why are the lights and television on in the living room?"

An energy-savvy consumer replaced all the windows in her house. She had expensive, double-insulated, energy-efficient windows installed. Twelve months later, she received a call from the contractor, who complained that the work had been done for a year, but she had failed to pay for it. She quickly replied, "The salesman who sold me those told me that in one year they would pay for themselves!"

The Church Has Left The Building

Radio host John Young recently posted this on crosswalk.com:

I saw a group of people eagerly passing out snacks and hot cocoa on an Atlanta street. The group was dressed in a uniform of sorts that read "The Church Has Left The Building."

Surprisingly, the church name wasn't on the shirt. No plug. No quotas being met. No guilt being given in the form of "We fed you, now come visit us." That a church would simply want to serve -- without any apparent effort to self-promote -- is rare, indeed, in our culture today.

Let the church hear this as a prophetic word!!

Say What?

While I have no way of verifying these comments, they are supposed to be transcripts of things people actually said in a court of law. At any rate, they're good for a chuckle.

Q: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?

Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?

Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true?

Q: How many times have you committed suicide?


Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?


Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, do they go up also?


Q: You went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
A: I went to Europe, sir.
Q: And you took your new wife?


Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?


Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 pm.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting up on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.


It is always wise procedure to make sure the brain is functioning properly before engaging the mouth!

Perseverance

You win some, you lose some, and some get rained out. But you gotta suit up for them all.

-- J. Askenberg