A Man of Few Words

Says Stephen Fried: They say Eskimos have a hundred words for snow. But that's nothing. Husbands have one word that can mean at least a hundred things.
That word is uh-huh.
It's a simple five-letter word that has led to more marital four-letter words than any other. Wives know that if their husbands could, they probably would respond "uh-huh" to every sentence spoken to them. And because "uh-huh" can basically be defined as any variant of "yes," "maybe," or "are you talking to me?" wives never know what we really mean.
I'm thinking this could be why the law always insisted that, at weddings, we come right out and clearly say, "I do."


Fellows, does your style of communicating give the lie to Mr. Fried's observation? I hope so! WG

The Joys of Committee Work

Oh, give me a pity, I'm on a committee,
Which means that from morning to night,
We attend and amend and contend and defend
Without a conclusion in sight.

We confer and concur, we defer and demur
And reiterate all of our thoughts.
We revise the agenda with frequent addenda
And consider a load of reports.

We compose and propose, we suppose and oppose
And the points of procedure are fun!
But though various notions are brought up as motions
There's terribly little gets done.

We resolve and absolve, but never dissolve
Since it's out of the question for us.
What a shattering pity to end our committee,
Where else could we make such a fuss?
...............................................-- Phong Ngo

A committee defined: A group of the unwilling, picked from the unfit, to do the unnecessary. But it all sounds great in a campaign speech.

-- Richard Long Harkness

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To get something done, a committee should consist of three men, two of whom are absent.

-- Robert Copeland

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A committee can make a decision that is dumber than any of its members.

-- David Coblit

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A committee is the perfect weapon to kill time.

Thoughts on CHURCH

The problem is not that the churches are filled with empty pews but that the pews are filled with empty people.

-- Charlie Shedd

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The church is the great lost-and-found department.

-- Robert Short

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Let your religion be less of a theory and more of a love affair.

-- G. K. Chesterton

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And here's another word from Chesterton: The Christian ideal has not been tried and found wanting; it has been found difficult and left untried.

Hung Up on Prestige

A Coast Guard cutter tuned in to a faint distress signal from a sinking pleasure craft. "What is your position? Repeat, what is your position?" shouted the radio operator into the microphone.
Finally, a faint reply crackled over the static, "I'm executive vice president of First Global Bank. Please hurry!"

Good for a Chuckle

In a restroom at IBM's Watson Center, a supervisor had placed a sign directly above the sink. It had a single word on it -- THINK! The next day, when he went to the restroom, he noticed that right below his sign, next to the soap dispenser, someone had carefully lettered another sign that read THOAP!

You just never know how literal-minded folks will be when you try to communicate something!

Little Ears

Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said!

Be Careful!

Not that any of my readers would need this for themselves, but you might know someone you could pass it along to.

The Stages of Drunkenness

1. Smart: Got all the answers. Just ask me!
2. Good Looking: Totally irresistible to the opposite sex.
3. Rich: Money? No problem! How much do you need?
4. Strong: Can whip anybody, anytime, anywhere.
5. Stupid: Can't walk, talk, think, and doesn't know it.