Perspective

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This is a bit of an oldie, but I enjoyed reading it again -- good for a chuckle, good for a thought.

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A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then he saw an enveloped propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, "Dad." With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands.

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Dear Dad. It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you. I've been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her, because of all her piercings, tattoos, her tight motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am. But it's not only the passion, Dad. She's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.

Stacy has opened my yes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves, and trading it with the other people in the commune, for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!

Don't worry, Dad. I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit, so you can get to know your many grandchildren.

Love, Your Son, John

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P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report card that's on my desk. I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home.

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I Still Know

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He was in his 80's, and his wife had been in a nursing home for some time. He faithfully continued to do everything for her that he possibly could. One day he had to stop at a medical clinic to have some stitches removed from his thumb. He asked the nurse if the doctor could see him quickly, because he had an important appointment at 9 a.m. "What appointment is that?" the nurse wanted to know. "I need to go to the nursing home to eat breakfast with my wife." "Is your wife ill?" asked the nurse. "Yes, she has Alzhermier's." "Would your wife mind if you were a bit late?" "Oh, no," he said, "she hasn't recognized me for five years." "And you still go every morning, even though she doesn't know who you are?"

And the man just smiled. "She doesn't know me, but I still know who she is."

.............................................Rumors, Ralph Milton

Why Do You Need Money If Jesus Is Coming Soon?

A man was watching a TV evangelist one day, who was hawking a book about the end of the world. "Buy this book," the evangelist was saying, "and you will learn how to read the signs of the times, so you may know that Jesus is coming very soon."

The viewer was a gutsy sort of fellow, so he called up the televangelist's 800 number and asked them to send him a book for free. They couldn't do that, they told him. The cost of the book was $15.95, but if he could supply them a major credit-card number ...

"No, you don't understand," he said. "I don't understand why you're asking for money at all. If you really believe Jesus is coming soon, you won't need money. You should be giving the books away!"

(I'm sure that, with that, the operator was no longer standing by.)

That story reminds me of my Senior Pastor when I was Associate Pastor in Somerset. Perhaps you've seen these posts or crosses upon which the words are emblazoned -- "Jesus is Coming Soon." He had no problem with the words -- he just couldn't understand why they were making the posts/crosses out of CONCRETE instead of wood. His thought was like the TV viewer above -- if you really believe Jesus is coming SOON, you don't need concrete, mere wood will do.

I wonder how often we really announce we don't believe something we say we do, because our actions don't line up with our pronouncement? What about YOU? Are you backing up what you say you believe by acting like you believe it?

Confidence ... or Arrogance? The Take-Down

There's a story told about Muhammad Ali, the former heavyweight boxing champion. He's the one who used to say simply, "I am the greatest." He truly considered himself above the normal threats of daily life ... as, for instance, gravity.

One day he was on a flight when the passengers were told to fasten their seat belts. Seeing that Ali hadn't done so, one of the flight attendants asked him to fasten his belt.

Ali replied, "Superman don't need no seat belt."

.To which the flight attendant aptly replied, "And Superman don't need no plane either."

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Who's Calling Your Name?

Sir David Edgeworth and his assistant, Douglas Mawson, accompanied Ernest Shackleton on his legendary expedition to the South Pole in 1907-1909. While working in his tent one day, Mawson heard the muffled of Sir Edgeworth outside: "Are you very busy?" Edgeworth asked. "Yes, I am," Mawson replied. "What's the matter?" "Are you really very busy?" Edgeworth asked again. "Yes," snapped Mawson. "What is it you want?" "Well," Edgeworth replied apologetically after a moment of silence, "I'm down a crevasse, and I don't think I can hang on much longer."

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How many are calling our name, needing our help and the help of Christ, but we're too busy to notice?

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When Your End Comes

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A little boy was seen taking a shortcut across a cemetery lot just about dark. he was later asked, "Aren't you afraid?" "No, I only cut through here to get home." Really, that's all death is ... a shortcut to home.

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Two guys were sitting in a bar talking about their relatives. "My grandfather," said the first guy, "knew the exact day of the year that he was going to die. It was the right year, too. Not only that, but he knew what time he would die that day, and he was right about that, too." "Wow, that's incredible," his friend replied. "How did he know all of that?" The first guy said, "A judge told him."

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A little boy was on a train running the long trip between two Western cities. It was a hot, dusty day, very uncomfortable for traveling, and that particular ride was perhaps the most uninteresting day's journey in the whole land. But the little fellow sat patiently watching the fields and the fences hurrying by until a motherly old lady leaned forward to ask with some sympathy in her voice, "Aren't you tired of the long ride, dear, and the dust and the heat?" The little boy looked up brightly, and smiled, "Yes, ma'am, a little. But I don't mind it much, because my father is going to meet me when I get to the end of it. And so it is for the Christian ... we know who's waiting for us at the end of the ride.

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Some Corn for Dinner

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From Yogi Berra:

• .Slump? I ain't in no slump. I just ain't hittin'.
• You give a hundred percent in the first half of the game, and if that isn't enough, in the second half you give what's left.
• Nobody goes to that restaurant anymore, it's too crowded.
• Baseball is 90 percent mental. The other half is physical.
• You can observe a lot by watching.
• A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore.
• It's deja vu all over again.
• If you come to a fork in the road, take it.
• I usually take a two-hour nap, from one o'clock to four.
• Hey Yogi, what time is it? You mean now?

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And on communication:

Bud and Millie, an older couple, lived out in a rural area, and didn't make it into town very often. One day his wife obtained a copy of a ladies' magazine that touted the benefits of taking a milk bath. She decided this was just what she needed to make her feel beautiful, and sent her husband to a neighboring dairy farm to purchase the milk. When he arrived, Bud told the dairy farmer that he wanted to purchase enough milk for his wife to take a milk bath. The dairy farmer asked, "Do you want the milk pasteurized?" "No," replied Bud, "just up to her neck will do just fine."

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