Beware! New Computer Virus Discovered

Even the most advanced antivirus programs from McAfee's or Norton's cannot take care of this newly classified virus.
Virus symptoms:

1. Tricks you into sending blank e-mails.
2. Results in your sending an e-mail to the wrong person.
3. Causes you to send the e-mail back to the person who sent it to you.
4. Makes you forget to affix the attachment.
5. triggers your pressing SEND before you've finished.
6. Forces you to hit DELETE instead of SEND.
7. Pressures you into clicking SEND when you should click DELETE.
8. Causes you to send the same e-mail twice.
9. Causes you to send the same e-mail twice.

This virus affects only people who were born before 1958. And oh, by the way, I nearly forgot: this virus is called the C-NILE VIRUS.

Some Thoughts on Aging

A reporter was interviewing a 104-yr.-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?"
Her simple reply: "No peer pressure."
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Three elderly gentlemen were talking about what their grandchildren would be saying about them 50 years from now.
"I would like my grandchildren to say, 'He was successful in business,'" declared the first.
The second said, "Fifty years from now, I want them to say, 'He was a loyal family man.'"
"Me?' said the third -- "I want them all to say, 'He certainly looks good for his age!'"

I Still Know

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He was in his 80's, and his wife had been in a nursing home for some time. He faithfully continued to do everything for her that he possibly could. One day he had to stop at a medical clinic to have some stitches removed from his thumb. He asked the nurse if the doctor could see him quickly, because he had an important appointment at 9 a.m. "What appointment is that?" the nurse wanted to know. "I need to go to the nursing home to eat breakfast with my wife." "Is your wife ill?" asked the nurse. "Yes, she has Alzhermier's." "Would your wife mind if you were a bit late?" "Oh, no," he said, "she hasn't recognized me for five years." "And you still go every morning, even though she doesn't know who you are?"

And the man just smiled. "She doesn't know me, but I still know who she is."

.............................................Rumors, Ralph Milton

Another Approach to Aging

No Nursing Home for Me
(Author Unknown)

.....A few months ago some friends noticed an elderly lady always sitting alone on a Princess Liner. All the staff seemed to wait on her constantly. We finally decided to chat with her. "We understand you have been on the last five cruise trips!" "Oh, yes! You see, it's like this: Luxury Cruise Ships average $150.00 a day, nursing homes are more than $200 a day. I have checked on reservations on a Princess and I get a long term discount and senior discount for $135.oo a day. That leaves $65.oo a day for gratuities, which will only be $10.00 a day.

.....I will have as many as 10 meals a day if I can waddle to the restaurant, or I can have breakfast in bed; Princess has three swimming pools, work out room, free washers and dryers, good shows every night, free razors, soap, shampoo and toothpaste. They treat you as a customer, not a patient. And an extra $5.00 tip will have the entire staff at your beck and call. I will meet new people every 7-14 days. TV broken? Light bulb needed? New mattress needed? No problem! They FIX everything, and apologize for your inconvenience. Clean sheets and towels every day. If you fall in the nursing home and break a hip, you are on Medicare with possibly no one to care. If you fall and break a hip on the Princess Ship they will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life if you promise not to sue them. If you want to see South America, the Panama Canal, Tahiti, Alaska, Australia ... just NAME where you want to go. Princess or some other cruise liner will always have a ship ready for you. So don't look for me in a nursing home, just call shore-to-ship.

.....P.S. Don't forget, when you die, they just dump you over the side, no extra charge!

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Of All the Things I've Lost ...

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.....The newspaper employee answered the phone only to hear an irate customer demanding an explanation for why her Sunday paper had not yet arrived on her doorstep.
....."Ma'am," said the employee, "today is Saturday. The Sunday paper is not delivered until tomorrow, on Sunday."
.....There was a long pause at the other end of the line, and then he heard the lady mutter, "Well! So that's why no one was at church today."

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