Heathcliffe told his buddies, "Gertrude was really upset when I didn't give her a birthday present this year. But then, she hasn't used what I gave her last year."
"What did you give her last year?" they asked.
Heathcliffe answered, "A cemetery plot."
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While a little guy was sitting at a restaurant counter and staring at his coke, a big guy walked over, picked up the coke and drank every drop.
As the little guy began to cry, the big guy apologized and said, "Don't cry. I'll buy you another."
The little guy replied, "You don't understand. I've had a terrible day. When I got to work this morning my boss fired me. When I walked out to my car I found it had been stolen. I got a cab home and left my wallet in the cab. When I walked into my home my wife said she wanted a divorce. And now, as I was getting ready to kill myself, you just drank my poison!"
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A man once hosted a dinner party for people from work, and everyone was encouraged to bring their children. Throughout the sit-down dinner, one co-worker's 4-yr.-old daughter stared at him unceasingly. In fact, she was staring at him so hard she could hardly eat her food.
The man checked his tie, felt his face for food, patted his hair in place and a myriad assortment of other things, but nothing stopped her from staring. He tried his best to just ignore her, but finally it was too much for him.
"Why are you staring at me?" he finally asked the girl.
Everyone had noticed her behavior, and the table went quiet to hear her response.
The little girl replied, "I just want to see how you drink like a fish!"
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